Hypocrite. I am a Hypocrite.

I've made quite a situation for myself last night. Celebrating a friend's birthday, I got a little tipsy and I had my phone with me. Not a good idea.

So I drunk-dialed several people, including one person who I've kind of fancied (only in the slightest and silliest of ways), and I've realized that 1) he does not have my number, which means he would not realize that it is me who is calling, and 2) he is a hard worker who will require lots of sleep, therefore calling him in the middle of the night would be kind of rude. Then, because of the effect alcohol has on my judgmental capacities, I decided to call the guy that I'm seeing and tell him all about my drunk-dialing adventures. As expected, he was not pleased. He has told me before that he has a temper, but a long fuse, which meant that any time he would stop talking would mean that I should be taking cover. I am taking cover right now, but there's so much guilt in this that I don't know if I should be hiding or allowing him to rip me to shreads as I deserve.

Here's the worst part of the situation: I've told him repeatedly that I hate players, mind games, and emotional fuckwittage. Infidelity to me is irresponsibility and a failure to honor one's self-worth and integrity. Similarly, mind games and emotional fuckwittage is something that is extremely time-consuming and wasteful, but apparently I've killed all three birds with one quick assassin call. I'm a hypocrite, the worst sinner there is.

I know my actions were immature, especially when I knew very well when I chose to drink that I would be out of control. What's horrible is that he gave me that trust of maturity when he extended his hand to me. I should've fought to kept his trust and maintain my end of the deal (although many would object to the way I just described our relationship). I should've reciprocated the same emotional support and maturity he had given me. Perhaps this shows that I am not mature enough to be in a relationship, especially not with such a wonderful person like him. I can only worry about whether or not he can find someone who truly deserves him, unlike myself. Of course, many would cry out "self pity!" when I say things like this, but I am serious when I say that he is a wonderful person who could offer much to the world.

At the same time, I hope that this is more of a small squirmish than anything else. I'm sure he'll understand and perhaps even forgive my foolishness. But at the same time, I realize that despite my rather stoic and Capricorn image, I'm very childish, and that is what bothers me the most about this experience--that I have the capacity to become my own nightmare, even though I claim austerity. I am a hypocrite. I only hope that I've become *truly* sober.

Update

So... I went out to the stairwell to call mom. After I said bye, I collapsed onto the windowsill with a loud smack, much to the surprise of a rather good-looking lab guy who was obviously going home for the day. After realizing that the entire building might think me crazy now, I banged my head against the wall, only to hear a loud speakerphone that sounded like it was dialing a call. Oops! I've bumped into the emergency directline to the University of Chicago Police (which is ironic since I've just added them to my speed-dial list earlier today), and an officer was asking if everything was alright. After I explained in a panic that I pressed the button by accident (but judging by my panicked voice, the officer asked again if everything was alright, which made me realize that the UCPD thinks me crazy now), I tumbled into the lab where I couldn't cause any trouble (ha ha ha. right.) What a day...

The Idle Intellectual (i.e. Me)

What should I be doing right now?

Well, there are several things that I "should" be doing--I should be doing some literature research on various subjects regarding C. elegans research and techniques without any focus on a particular topic, or, I should be practicing with the worms by putting them into microfluidic channels in preparation for an experiment that will take place sometime near never, or, I could be arguing with the CVS server regarding a set of hyperlinked documents for a boss who is very cranky and bossy, especially of late. Ah, the wonders of working in a cutting-edge laboratory with a multidisciplinary crew of multicultural wonders. In fact, our boss is so progressive that he's a Russian. It doesn't get any more progressive(=totalitarian) than that.

Some might tell me that I'm not being grateful. Well, I am very grateful--I get to work on microfluidics research, which truly is a rare opportunity as only labs with the highest amount of grants could ever pull off. I'm very grateful for the fact that I get to attend an elite academic institution that could sponsor such a lab. I'm very grateful for the fact that there is air conditioning in this lab in the dreadful Chicago heat. However, I find myself wandering because of a general discontent of things, despite all of the things that I'm grateful for.

My P. I. is the biggest source of stress; he's a real PI-in in the ass. He doesn't seem to have highly developed interpersonal skills and his hawkish nature has given him quite the reputation in the department. At first, I thought it was because he just tends to be overly ambitious and that some grad students just don't appreciate hard work. I mean, he's been bringing in a lot of cool postdocs. However, I learned soon enough that the reason why he was hiring so many postdocs was because he hasn't had any grad students enter his lab for two years. Two years. Wow, that reputation must be pretty foul.

So, where do I come in? Well, normally I crack under pressure, so I wonder how I've survived the past year, but I have to remind myself that I was an administrative assistant before and therefore invisible. Now that I'm actually working in the lab, I've seen his true face, and lemme tell ya, it ain't pretty. I've been dodging him for the past few weeks, jumping at the site of any male with brownish hair, staying on elevators for several rides up and down the building to avoid him, crying in the stairwells on the phone to mom. Maybe I'm just too lazy to be working in his lab. Maybe I'm just way too burnt out from the school year. Whatever the case, I've lost all my interest in working here and I can't believe I'm ready for summer to be over.

To combat this chronic boredom, I've been devoting myself to reading various texts on mathematics, systems theory, and (yes, I admit it) other lab group sites. I'm actually interested in switching labs, because 1) my P. I. is a jackass, and 2) I've gotten really bored with microfluidics. I've expounded on Point 1 until now. I'll now continue on Point 2.

One of the labs I'm seriously considering is actually doing some really cool stuff with systems biology. Interestingly enough, it's located in the Physics Department, which pretty much makes it a biophysics lab. I'm personally interested in evolutionary networks and the mathematical descriptions of complex biosystems (their paper is really cool with Boolean logic, but I will refrain from identifying this group for the sake of anonymity). I'm hoping to hear back from the group soon, but while I'm cowering over my screen as to avoid any contact with P. I. (Pain Immortal), I'm starting to wonder why my mind wanders like this and whether or not that means I'm in good shape.

It is the third time I am revising this very paragraph, in which I describe the mundane repetetiveness of occupations since the Industrial Revolution. At the same time, I can only wonder if life before mechanization was any more varied. You can probably hear the arrival of my favorite existential term, "ennui," but here, I will develop more into the freeflowing river of intellectual inspiration... once I'm no longer bored with what I am writing out right now...

Hatred: A Conversation with Friend Regarding Contempt for Summer, Hyde Park, and PI (And I Ain't Talking About Pastries...)

The following is a conversation that took place between myself and a friend on MSN. I've cut and copied it from the IM window because I was too lazy to type out another rant. "dead webcasters pay no royalties" is me.

[Script:]

dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
hey
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
hey
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
what's going on?
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
I hate my PI
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
I'm thinking of leaving the lab
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
how about yourself?
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
why?
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
i'm doing well...i really like my pi here
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
research is good
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
friends are good here too
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
my PI is such a jackass
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
he likes nipping at people
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
and ambushing them
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
just so he can bitch at them
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
how do you mean?
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
last week
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
I was to have a project meeting with him
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
he called me up in the lab
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
and asked me to come over to his office because he has a question regarding hyperlinked documents
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
since I was working on the grant proposal with the others
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
I thought, okay sure, and I came in
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
as soon as I entered
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
he started interrogating me about what I've come up for the project meeting
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
he was demanding a "preview of the preview"
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
so to speak
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
which is obnoxious
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
and then
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
the past two days
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
he's been totally bitching about the hyperlinked documents
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
what is so special about these hyperlinked documents?
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
when I apologized for working on the project outline
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
the hyperlinks seem to get messed up when the documents are uploaded unto a server
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
and the server we're using isn't a real server
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
but it takes forever to navigate and no one knows how to use it
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
not to mention, only one person can access it from a single computer
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
so it's not like I can log on to someone's computer and ask to use the server
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
because I need all of their login info and shit like that
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
it's just a major pain in the ass
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
I'm really fed up with the lab
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
well
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
more my PI than the lab
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
yeah....so i still dont understand why you would appologize for working on the outline?
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
were you supposed to be doing something else?
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
because I didn't solve the hyperlinked thing
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
because I thought the project outline was of higher priority
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
gah
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
which is always the higher priority
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
which is what he told me
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
but
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
gah
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
he's really obnoxious
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
dirty russians.....
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
you're telling me
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
and because he was bitching me out
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
I missed autoclaving time
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
so I have to stay here for another hour
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
we have some at und that are so rediculous its hilarous
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
i see that you are spending it well
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
bah
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
I have nothing to do for another hour
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
oh, you have to WAIT for it too?!
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
yeah
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
that really sucks
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
this is my life
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
are you just his bitch basically?
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
it's becoming worse than the school year
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
the entire lab is his bitch
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
he hasn't had grad students come in for two years into his lab
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
because of his reputation
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
so now he's hiring postdocs like mad
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
that's really funny
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
does he pay well?
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
he cut down my funding for the summer
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
and if he had such a shitty reputation, why did you go in?
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
at which point in the summer?
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
because I thought his research was cool
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
pretty much when it began
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
I get paid less than grant students are being paid
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
which, I guess, makes sense
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
although he pretty much bumped me off the grant program because he volunteered to fund me on his own
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
big success that was
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
*rolls eyes*
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
yeah....what are you getting paid?
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
I was supposed to get $3000 for the entire summer
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
probably even more
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
if I got the grant
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
of course without room and board
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
it's not a fellowship
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
wow...that sucks
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
i get 4k plus room, board and travel expenses covered
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
and my "mentor" (NSF's fancy terminology for PI) is awesome
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
I was too adamant on working here over the summer
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
I thought it'd be cool
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
now I know it's only cruel
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
I preferred being invisible
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
like I was during the school year
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
now that I'm on a project
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
at least you get to be in chicago for the summer, no?
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
if there is a benefit to being in Chicago for the summer
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
it's hot
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
sticky
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
but isnt it a pretty cool place?
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
my subletters were rushed so they didn't have the time to set up internet
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
it would be
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
if I weren't working twelve hours a day
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
and besides
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
oh..shitty
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
most clubs and shit is 21+
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
other than that
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
too bad
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
there's not much
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
oh well
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
I asked for it
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
apparently
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
do you like it better that slc though?
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
not knowing how shitty it is
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
I'm not too sure
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
if I were in SLC
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
I probably would've been able to have an informal program with a mathematician there who works with modeling fluid networks
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
he's one of the collaborators with the lab
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
and he's at the U of U
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
wow, I haven't used that term in a while
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
lol
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
either that
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
or I could've worked in my mom's lab on editing articles and grant proposals and whatnot
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
and you would have had a better time doing that you think?
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
why not apply for a fellowship somewhere?
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
well...obviously not now
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
lol
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
at least I'd be at home
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
and not wasting money on food
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
oh....i get that covered
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
and rent
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
and utilities
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
also covered
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
i would look at those for next year
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
just me though.....
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
also have to worry aboubt not getting mugged
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
also covered
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
jk
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
is that a worry in chicago?
dead webcasters pay no royalties says:
especially here in shitty Hyde Park
Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. says:
oh yeah....i forgot thats where you are

Corrigendum--Internet Radio

I apologize for the faulty stastics that I have posted in the previous item. As to not be silly, I shall post the statistics directly from savenetradio.org, the source of my statistics on internet radio.

The Copyright Royalty Board (CRB) decision increases the royalties that Internet webcasters pay to play music by nearly 300% for the biggest webcasters and up to 1200% for small webcasters.
The CRB rates are retroactive to January 1, 2006 and payable on July 15, 2007. This decision could bankrupt many Internet radio services immediately on that date, even if it is effective for only one day.
Past due royalties alone will be enough to bankrupt virtually all small and mid-sized webcasters, many of whom are the hallmarks of programming diversity.
The American Association of Independent Music (A2IM) reports that less than 10% of terrestrial radio performances are independent music but more than 37% of non-terrestrial radio is independent music.
According to Arbitron and Bridge Ratings, between 50 and 70 million Americans listen to internet radio a month.
Bridge Ratings & Research estimates that the Internet radio audience will double by 2010 and grow to nearly 200 million monthly listeners by 2020.
Internet radio listeners are 20% more likely to have purchased downloadable music than the average American. (Arbitron)

Internet Radio

From SaveNetRadio.org

The future of Internet radio is in immediate danger. Royalty rates for webcasters have been drastically increased by a recent ruling and are due to go into effect on July 15 (retroactive to Jan 1, 2006!). Webcasters across the country participated in a national Day of Silence this week to increase awareness about this looming threat and gather support for the SaveNetRadio collation and our campaign to preserve music diversity on-line. The Internet Radio Equality Act is currently being considered by both the House and the Senate. This bill will set royalty rates for Internet radio equal to the royalty rate paid by satellite radio, and has gained over 120 cosponsors in the House.

__________________________________________________________

If Congress is truly bent on preserving the Free Market, it should also preserve the Marketplace of Ideas. I am an adamant supporter of competition and by establishing these ridiculous royalty rates (from 300 per cent to 1200 per cent), Congress is stifling competition by creating a de facto subsidy to broadcast and satellite radio, which are commercial arms of the RIAA. Not all of our ideas come from the RIAA and our music should not be from merely one source--we are sick of listening to the same crap that is blared by RIAA-affiliated stations. We want a variety. We want diversity. We must stop Congress from establishing the RIAA as the only source of music and let music commerce resume as usual. Senators, PLEASE co-sponsor the Internet Radio Equality Act! Please support internet radio! Please support the Free Market!
__________________________________________________________

From the Chicago Tribune
New rates signal day Web-radio music dies

By Kenneth Rainey, a member of Tangleweed, an acoustic Americana band from Chicago

July 9, 2007

Every band dreams of the lucky night it'll be discovered by a music promoter or favorite record label. Overnight you've got a hot record, radio stations everywhere playing your songs and your band becomes a household name. It's the classic musician's fairy tale.

But it is a fairy tale and, for every new artist who is discovered by a major record label, there are thousands who aren't. For the rest of us, pursuing a career in music is hard. Now, proposed new royalty rates for Internet radio threaten to make it harder.

You see, our Americana band Tangleweed was "discovered" -- just not in a nightclub by an industry executive. We were discovered on Pandora.com by bookers for a huge music festival. After two years of playing small clubs in Chicago, our invitation to the Wakarusa Music & Camping Festival in Lawrence, Kan., was a big break for us.

While listening to similar music on a custom Internet radio station on Pandora.com, a festival organizer heard a Tangleweed track. He liked it so much that he tracked us down and offered us the chance to perform at the festival. With more than 7 million Internet radio listeners every day, Internet radio offers exposure for groups like ours that just isn't possible on mainstream radio stations.

But now we're at risk of losing it.

The Copyright Royalty Board recently issued catastrophic royalty rate hikes -- increases from 300 to 1,200 percent -- which are set to take effect July 15. And some of the increases will be retroactive to January of last year.

While music artists certainly benefit from royalties, this kind of royalty rate hike will mean bankruptcy for almost every Webcaster. Music is a labor of love for many Webcasters, as it is for so many musicians. A significant number of small Internet radio stations already operate at a loss; they carry on because of their commitment to the music they play. A dramatic rate hike is more than most can bear.

Right now, independent artists make up less than 10 percent of what's played on broadcast radio, but on Internet radio, we make up about 37 percent.

The reality is if our representatives in Congress allow these new royalty rates to go into effect -- and it's within Congress' power to decide -- it'll make it far harder for independent artists like us to make it. Worse for those of us who are also music fans, online radio will start to sound a whole lot more like broadcast radio. Millions of people whose musical tastes aren't served by broadcast radio will be left without an alternative.

While we've become believers in Internet radio for selfish reasons -- as both artists and listeners -- the principle of creating a marketplace encouraging artistic entrepreneurs stands on its own. It should be no surprise that the Internet, which has been the source of innovation in so many different industries, has been the home of and outlet for innovation in the music industry.

From our perspective, killing Internet radio means that thousands of great bands will go undiscovered -- and that's nothing but bad news for artists.

Killing Internet radio will not only stifle the great technology we have now, it will also stifle the innovation of even better, newer and more exciting ways to enjoy music -- and that's nothing but bad news for all of us.

__________________________________________________________

From the Baltimore Sun

Independent artists fear the demise of Internet radio



By SONiA

July 4, 2007

I've spent my entire career making music that transcends fear. In fact, the Baltimore-based band I started with my sister in 1994 is called disappear fear.
It might come as a surprise, then, that I'm writing now about something a lot of independent artists are scared about these days: the impending death of Internet radio.

Indie artists don't often have the luxury of being the "next big thing," endorsed and promoted by the record industry. For a lot of us, broadcast radio is mostly uncharted territory. We've come to rely on the Internet to get the word out, namely Internet radio, through which a lot of us have been able to find a modest fan base.

Because we aren't regularly appearing on MTV, and American Idol's Ryan Seacrest probably doesn't know our names, Internet radio is one of our few real opportunities for exposure to large audiences. With more than 7 million Internet radio listeners every day - most of whom are tired of the redundancy they find on broadcast radio - the opportunities abound for the artists who before had very few. What's more, over each of the last few years, Internet radio's audience has grown steadily.

Now we're at risk of losing it.

In May, the Copyright Royalty Board issued catastrophic royalty rate increases - ranging from 300 percent to 1,200 percent - that Internet radio companies would have to pay for the music they stream. The rates are set to take effect July 15, with the increases retroactive to January of last year.

As you might expect, these rate increases would drastically outweigh the revenues of many Internet radio broadcasters, most of whom have small staffs and budgets and are struggling to make online radio a sustainable business. Many of these Webcasters would have no choice but to shut down in the face of these new rates.

While the royalty rate increases would mean certain bankruptcy for almost every Webcaster, the effect on indie artists would also be disastrous. Losing Internet radio would mean the loss of our biggest promotional resource.

This becomes obvious when you look at the market. Right now, independent artists make up less than 10 percent of what's played on broadcast radio. On Internet radio, we make up about 37 percent.

And as much I appreciate royalties as an artist, a bump in royalties means little to indie singer-songwriters if it also means the death of our biggest source of exposure. If Internet radio dies, there won't be any royalties to pay.

The reality is, if our leaders in Congress allow these new royalty rates to go into effect - and it's within Congress' power to decide - it will make it much harder for independent artists like me to get off the ground to find their audience. What's worse for music lovers is that with such high fees, online radio will start to look a whole lot more like broadcast radio: a limited number of artists, a limited number of genres and a lot of bored music fans.

I've become a believer in Internet radio for selfish reasons - as both an artist and a listener - but the principle of creating a marketplace encouraging artistic entrepreneurs stands on its own. It should be no surprise that the Internet, the source of innovation in so many different industries, has been the home of and outlet for innovation in the music industry.

Killing Internet radio would stifle this innovation just as it would stifle the indie labels and bands fighting to be heard, the Webcasters fighting to stay alive and the listeners just trying to find something new.

I'm not worried about me. As a solo artist and in our band, I have had a great career, crisscrossing the country and traveling the world. I have been fortunate to have had broadcast radio support. But I'm concerned about the artists just now getting their start.

For us, Internet radio has become essential. A world without it can only be described as scary.



SONiA is a Baltimore-based musician. Her e-mail is sonia@disappearfear.com.
Copyright © 2007, The Baltimore Sun

Conspiracy Theory—Need I Even Respond?

Recently I have posted a video on YouTube describing my interest in joining Freemasonry. My interest is purely intellectual, especially given my penchant for free markets and free inquiry. However, some took offense to my interests and commented on it. Instead of refusing to recognize his position, I challenged him and boy did I get a lot of lip from him. The video is here and you can read the comments for yourself.

Now, onto the main topic—conspiracy theories. Normally scientific colleagues would dismiss this topic altogether, claiming that responding to their argument in itself is a validation (at least in the view of those who believe in conspiracy theories), disturbingly similar to proponents of intelligent design. I admit that conspiracy is a very real and very probable phenomenon that should incite fear. However, when grand claims are made, such as the Freemasons are in league with the Catholics and the Jews to control the global economy (ignoring the historical tension between the three), brows must be raised. Of course, any a priori knowledge is dangerous, so dismissing these claims without proper evaluation is scientifically naïve (although one would ask if it’s even worth the time to consider, unlike the more existential subject of intelligent design), but I’d like to point to the fact that conspiracy theories tend to be a priori claims in themselves, so they must first produce evidence.

The root of conspiracy theories is actually something that I admire—a skepticism of the “official accounts” given by those in power (e.g. the Church, the state, the media, etc.). However, then the theories tend to branch out into ridiculous claims, usually involving Satanic cults, world order, and homosexuality. Really, check out The Order of Death by Alex Jones (a film that has shoddy scholarship at best, intentional deception at worst), which piles up claims similar to the ones made by the Roman Catholic Church and the King of France against the Knights Templar. Instead of Baphomet, however, Jones has posited that they deity they worship is Moloch, seen by some as a mistake in transliterating Hebrew (Moloch=mlk=melech=”king”), thereby changing the idea of idol worship to state worship, as was the case in Egypt.

What’s worse, however, is the fact that Satanism and Devil Worship (i.e. alternative religion) becomes the qualifying character. The following extract is from the film by Alex Jones:

“If your neighbor worshipped Moloch, the demon worshipped all over the Mediterranean and the Middle East, would you let your neighbor walk your dog or house sit or babysit your children?”

The use of fear here pleads to an emotional argument without any basis. Of course, this in itself does not invalidate their claim (although we have to look at the fact that they’re blanketing all evils into “Satanism,” which argues from a Christian standpoint, which therefore shows an agenda that conflicts with objectivity), but if it’s the only thing they present without solid evidence, then their claims go straight out the window.

Alex Jones, however, presents evidence, in form of video tape, photographs, documents, and “personal account” of an anonymous contributor. The video clip that he presents of a ritual going on in some Bohemian Grove has really bad quality and cannot establish the identity of any “world leader” participating in a so-called “mock human sacrifice” (I can’t even tell if they’re even in the woods or on a stage). Another video includes him trying to approach a fireman about secret rituals, when the fireman “says” “turn off the camera, buddy” (paraphrased). However, this seemed to be coming from a person off-camera as he looked to the side, and the disembodied voice actually seems to be on a different soundtrack (although one could argue that the disembodied voice was actually coming from right next to the cameraman). Regardless of the actual situation, this shows how easily video clips can be edited and touched with. The documents he presents also can be fabricated quite easily, although if they are genuine, one might ask how such secret documents were allowed to be obtained, especially by a “world order?” And this anonymous contributor? How are we to verify his existence in the first place?

Now, this is not to say that there isn’t a possibility that such things are true, especially given the fact that our administration seems very keen on expanding our influence. However, one must remember that the affirmative holds the burden of proof. Good evidence is indisputable (well, if it is disputable, then even more good arguments must be made to support the validity of the evidence). If the conspiracy theorist wishes to prove that I am not part of the “New World Order,” then he (most probably it’s a he with a geeky demeanor and social awkwardness) must establish how I did not just oversee a transaction between Microsoft and Apple in order to (secretly) monopolize the information industry’s hardware centers. Fnord.